$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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