dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
