Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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