She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
