he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
