so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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