they need to just BURY HIM!
and she was petting her beer can
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
