dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
