i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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