In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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