she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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