the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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