you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
