The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
