i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
