you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
