You surviving the open bar?
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I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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