why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
