Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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