I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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