You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
