We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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