like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
