Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
