TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
