I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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