i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
