you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
