I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
