I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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