I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
