I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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