At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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