What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
