I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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