i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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