Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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