oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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