kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
