We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
