I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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