next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
