Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
