i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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