Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
