I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
