If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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