I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
