Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
