My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
