Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
