I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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