It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
