My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
