I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
