piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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