3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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