been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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