If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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