he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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