We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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