Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
