fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
