Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
