When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
