Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
