i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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