I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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