Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
