I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
