haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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