Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
