physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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