the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
