plz talk dirty to me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
