just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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