Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
